Experimental Mice

by First the Winter

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    This beautiful album features original artwork and hand lettering by Nathan Hoarn. In a day and age when many don't even have a way to play a CD, this album stands on its own as a work of visual art.

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1.
Soft hair spread out on my pillow Warm skin touching mine till tomorrow’s Light breaks through the window and wakes us both And you danced in the moonlight, held me Entranced with your perfect eyes And I fell for you harder than I ever thought I could But you said not now, maybe never But at least for now we have to sever, no no no This three day fairy tale Driving home under bright stars My heart breaking, wanted my guitar And some time alone to sing this whole mess out And you asked me to drop you at his house, and I I said sure, but what I wanted to shout was No, please no my darling, you’re coming home with me Cause I was craving the taste of your lips The searing brush of your fingertips The feel of our bodies together Tangled up in soft sheets As the cool night breeze blows in and finishes This near-perfect scene that my poet’s pen started But you said not now, maybe never But at least for now we have to sever, no no no This three day fairy tale
2.
Little boys and little girls playing war In spite of ourselves, and with spite for the rest, that's who we are Trading blows and hateful words till we die Bloody nose, and torn jeans, and black eyes The battle lines are drawn out, it's time for blood The tongues hang out on the dogs of war, our graves are dug You're taking aim, but I fire first, I try but I can't stop Watch my bullets strike, then we're falling fast, the game is done Stuck in a maze, disguised as love, to run it once or twice There's no way out, and no one wins, we're just experimental mice
3.
This is me, and this is you I thought that maybe you would understand That this is me, and this is her She's the reason why I can't be Around to hold your hand Now this is me, telling you That I think it's time for me to go Cuz that was me, and that was you We had our time in the sun Now we're waiting for the snow To cover me, and bury you To smother all we thought would last Forever, but now it's gone And this is me, saving you From a life you'd waste searching for The man you used to know And I, I'm standing on her doorstep in the rain And I, I can't stay away, like a moth to the flame And I, have an open door to happiness and someone who might stay But I choose the rain This is me, fucking up Every time I try to make things right And this is her, moving on Too tired to raise her fists Or her voice for one last fight Now this is me, filling up One more glass to wash away The thoughts of missing love And this is me, giving up On one more letter, when it’s clear That you’ve finally had enough And I, now I’m standing all alone in the rain And I, I couldn’t stay away, like a moth to the flame And I, had an open door to happiness and someone who might’ve stayed But I chose the rain This is love, or is this hate I think it’s time that I should know
4.
Am I made of what I think or what I do My mind’s on her but my body’s here with you Let it fall, let it all fall down on me I want to lay beneath this crushing weight Of everything I’ve thought and everything you’ll say When the truth comes out, and you know what kind of man I really am So don’t look now, but I think I’ve fucked things up again Can’t look away as you try to tell me this is the end All I fear is everything you’ll say Can’t lift my head as you walk away Don’t look down I’m just a man and I know that’s no excuse You laid a feast for us and I tied the noose Let it rain, let the hurt rain down on me You made concessions and you cut me slack I spent my time thinking sinful thoughts behind your back Let it end, let this be the end of me Wrote her a letter, not expecting no reply Our branch was withered, should have stepped back and let it die Now the blame, the blame falls down on me So don’t look now, but I think I’ve fucked things up again Can’t look away as you try to tell me this is the end All I fear is everything you’ll say Can’t lift my head as you walk away Don’t look now
5.
When you left, I was terrified that you’d be gone forever But then I began to worry that you'd come back When you first walked out, I could see a way to fix us But when we talked, I hid the answers behind my back You blame me for everything And I take it all I hate me for everything Cuz everything's my fucking fault Three simple words could heal us But I'm too proud to apologize Three, three other words would do just as well But "I love you" doesn't mean shit when there's hate in my eyes You blame me for everything And I take it all I hate me for everything Cuz everything's my fucking fault Well baby I'm not sorry And you won't hear these lips apologize And if by some chance someday you might see me You'll still find hate behind your enemy's eyes So you, you can blame me for everything And I'll take it all Cuz I really hate me for everything And everything's my fucking fault
6.
Eyes open wide, heart beating fast Willing you to call, as I watch the hours pass Trying hard to wait, but looking for a sign I’ll play by your rules, and I’ll step into your line For now Do you want, do you want to try us again Do you want me like I need you, or is this the end of us I’ll tell you I’m sorry, and we’ll both pretend But we both know I only want what I can’t have Sitting all alone, wasting another day You’re smiling across the room, but you’re a million miles away Trying to mend the hurt, though you know we’re gonna fail Doesn’t matter what you change, in the end it’s the same old tale For us, but I want you And I want us I will be true Till the truth wears through And you see what kind of man I really am So do you want, do you want to try us again Do you want me like I need you, or is this the end of us I told you I’m sorry, but I can’t pretend Cuz we both know I only want what I can’t have
7.
When I met you I was sure That my pathway ahead was clear That I was finally done Writing songs of broken love But now I’m sad to say That just the other day I realized that I still have one more song One more sad song to write It’s the story of us It’s the story of wasted love Of lies you never heard Half truths and broken words It’s the story of me Taking you for a ride Of love that should have lasted Of love that withered and died It’s the same old story So lift your head but I won’t say don’t cry There’s time for sorrow and more tonight I’ll lift the knife and do what must be done To save what’s left of our broken love And now as I turn to walk away I’ll admit a part of me always knew we’d end this way That my tired pen would have one more song One more sad song to write Because the man you love, he would change The man you think you know, he wouldn’t stay the same I’d murder every last little bit Of the spark you hold inside and your fire that just won’t quit Would finally, finally go out And we both know that it would be my fault So now the story’s gotta change You’ve got to run from me while you can still be saved Or it’s the same old story
8.
Drowning, under your water Pushing my own head down Dreaming, of breathing in your air Is keeping me here till I drown Floating just under the surface Can almost breathe you in Feeling your hands over my lips Feeling my end begin Wishing I could see you one last time Little boy so ashamed of his past Fighting, to taste you one more time But what's done, is done at last Cuz you're gone

about

Laden with contrast and anchored by acoustic guitar and piano, rich cello and hauntingly beautiful vocal harmonies shine in these personal and intimate stories of lost love and broken relationships.

credits

released March 6, 2020

All songs written by Jimmy Stewart

Guitar, piano, and male vocals by Jimmy Stewart

Female vocals by Aili Emilia

Cello by Dan Lawonn, DanLawonn.com

Bass by Owen Sartori

Drums and percussion by Alexander Young, AlexanderYoungDrums.com

Produced, mixed, and mastered by Owen Sartori and Davide Raso at F5 Soundhouse in Minneapolis, MN, F5Soundhouse.com

Album artwork by Nathan Hoarn

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about

First the Winter Chimacum, Washington

First the Winter is an acoustic folk rock duo hailing from the Olympic Peninsula of Washington State. Heavily influenced by singer-songwriters like Damien Rice and Glen Hansard, much of their music presents a raw, somewhat dark view of love and relationships.

The duo is comprised of Jimmy Stewart and Aili Emilia, who began writing and playing music together in Minneapolis in the summer of 2015.
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